I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
