It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
