just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
