omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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