all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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