i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
