Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
