I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
