Will you blow on my dice?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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