Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
