Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
