I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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