Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
