Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
