i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Two words: nipple clamps
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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