its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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