Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The air was thick with penises
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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