I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I AM VODKA MAN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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