Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
