You're my little dorito
oh god the rape fog is back!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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