My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
