ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
