At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
