Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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