last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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