Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
