where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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