the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
