Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
