Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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