i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
