Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
