im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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