If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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