drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
