My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
