Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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