Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
