Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
