is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
