i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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