Please, let me fuck your mom
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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