Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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