Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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