and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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