So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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