my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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