hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
