tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
