I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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